Blu

Kam ftohte!

Jo ftohte nga temperatura apo koha, por ftohte nga lloji me i tmerrshem i te ftohtit..
Kam ftohte ne shpirt dhe ndjej cdo dite te ngrij nga pak, ndjej te transformohem ne nje qenie qe nuk jam un, ne dicka kaq te akullt e te pameshirshme..
E huaj!
Nuk ndjej me as dhimbje, as lumturi e as gje prej gjeje..
Cdo gje duket ndryshe ne syt e mij te cilet kan mar nje hije gri e kan humbur shkelqimin..
Cdo dhimbje te injektohej ne shpirt si droga, e perditshme dhe sasia rritej gjithnje e me shume deri kur nje dite te ndalon zemren dhe humb jeten.
Vete fundi eshte hapi drejt nje fillimi te ri, nje fillimi me te ashper dhe te ngurte..
Nje fillim qe le shum pasoja.
Nje fillim qe ka shum njerez te fajesuar dhe te njollosur me plaget e njerezve qe kan lenduar..
Ata nuk e kuptojne..
Nuk e kuptojne se sa shume na lendojne, se sa dhemb cdo fjale dhe veprim i pamatur...
Me vone kur na shikojne te vuajme, pendohen dhe ndryshojne sjellje, behen me te dashur me te mire..
Por ata nuk e dijne se nese sherohesh me vuajtje nuk te ben me pershtypje as dashuria as lumturia e asgje qe dikur ishte gjithcka.
Dhimbja te ben te akullt, e kur ndodh kjo gje nuk ka me kthim pas..
Ti jeton por pa zemer,pa shpirt..
Pa meshire..

                                                       -English Version-

I feel cold!

Not cold from temperature or weather, but cold from the most terrifying kind of coldness...

I'm cold in spirit and I feel myself freezing a little more every day, transforming into someone I'm not, into something so icy and merciless...

I feel like I am nothing.

I don't feel any pain, happiness, or anything at all...

Everything looks different in my eyes, which have taken on a grey shade and lost their sparkle...

Every pain injected into my spirit like a drug, daily, and the dosage increasing more and more until one day it stops the heart and ends life.

The very end is the step toward a new beginning, a beginning that is harsher and tougher...

A beginning that leaves many consequences.

A beginning that has many people blamed and stained with the wounds of those they've hurt...

They don't understand...

They don't understand how much they hurt us, how much every word and thoughtless action stings...

Later, when they see us suffering, they regret it and change their behaviour, they become kinder and better...

But they don't know that healing with suffering doesn't impress us anymore, and neither does love happiness, or anything that once was everything.

Pain makes you numb, and when this happens there is no turning back...

You live, but without a heart, without a soul...

Without mercy...